Countdown to Berlin

Holy shit do I have good friends.  It's been even more evident this past week or so as I prepare to get my ass to Berlin.  Despite the fact that it seemed more than obvious to those around me that I was spiraling into some state of insanity, delirium, something, I don't know what the world really should be.  Depressed is what it is.  Anxious, scared, confused, all that stupid bullshit that we hate to admit to ourselves.

So thank you to everybody who put up with my changing moods for the last week.  I've been taking the prescribed "watch a Disney movie" and got half way through "Beauty and the Beast" on my computer.  The prescription to join a fight club to help my insomnia is in the works.  Perhaps shooting three guns in Westchester County would do more to have cleared my head, but then again maybe it only made things worse...because I'd really like to fire off another round despite the bruise on my shoulder from the 12 gage shot gun nearly throwing me off my chair.  Good stuff, right?

But to those who were concerned or worried or listened, I've finally just come up with the theory.  I'm just plain lonely.  And I don't even mean that in an emo way.  We all saw the strange lengths of insanity in my previous posts that hint at the necessity a significant male other.  So what I do?  I've taken out my depressive, lonely feelings on everyone else.  It's affected my anxieties about travelling, about hanging out, everything really.  I've just found myself wallowing in unhealthy emotions.  Right now, I have to force myself to look ahead to something else.  To Berlin?  So goodbye everybody who listened to me, understood me, stood by me and hello strange new land of beautiful culture and guilt-stricken history.

Another big shout out to Insomnia.  It's after 2 in the morning and he's still around, but hopefully not for too long tonight.  He's getting a little hard to keep up with.

I've had this window open for over an hour now attempting to write something legit, attempting to finish a post here.  It's my last night in the US until towards the end of December.  But right now I'm finally calm, I think.  My mind is somewhat more settled than it has been the past few days, but the anxiety is still there.  I'm just not sure if it's all related to travel.